What are you longing for right now?

What urges are you suppressing right now? What pleasure, passion or creative inspirations are you blocking?

Lockdown for me has evoked some interesting urges and when I follow these, the joy in my heart rises higher than my head.

Not every urge should be followed but when a natural urge filters into your consciousness it’s a wonderful thing to say, “Hello you, let’s go on an adventure. Let’s create together and see what we can Co-create.”

I like many of us suffer from the “seriousness gene,” it’s like I’ve forgotten my natural playfulness. I found myself saying a few months ago, “we don’t laugh anymore…” When those words left my mouth, the alarm bell in my brain could be heard ringing in Timbuktu.

I used to pride myself on being able to have fun anywhere and I spent most of my early teenage years uncontrollably laughing to the point where my insides would hurt. I was that child that would skip home singing loudly and re-emerge in a Spanish flamenco dress to play with friends in the local field.

What happened to my sweetness and innocence?

I stopped listening, I stopped saying yes and I placed my attention on order and control – not all of the time but enough of the time to kill any spontaneous ideas. The need to recover and be still can come with a heaviness that blocks divine inspiration from shining its light on our consciousness. The truth is we need stillness and movement, peace and passion, and we need to be able to throw caution to the wind and dance with source if we are to thrive. And we all need to create from a place of uncontrollable laughter and joy, not because it has to be the best, deliver something and so on, but because we need to express our longings.

With every urge we follow, hundreds are discarded for the safety and comfort of what we know or what we have termed, “plausible, permitted and mainstream.”

During lockdown, I’ve followed urges including, picking up a spade for the first time and digging deep, making bunting, wearing my wedding dress to play with my daughter (producing screams of delight as she hid under my flowing skirt). It seems that my younger, dramatic self was in fact alive and well and making herself known in that moment when I rose and said “yes to the dress.”

The first urge I followed was the most profound because I actually heard my ego’s demands for me to be walk away… Watching my husband digging up roots, I felt something happen inside and a dialogue began. “Why don’t you have a go?” “It looks hard, what if you can’t do it?” I stopped and watched him, he looked happy, hot and in his element.

The observer in me would have been content to watch him create, but the earth loving wild woman was keen to be heard. “This is something you’ve dreamt of, what is stopping you?” I heard myself say nervously, “can I have a go, can you show me, I don’t know how to do it?” The first few attempts where weak end badly aimed, taking off a few flower heads by mistake, I set my resolve to keep going and twenty minutes later, I felt stronger and more importantly, the grin on my face was spreading. This was happening; I was digging and laughing and clearing the dirt and loving life.

This experience has spurred me on and now I’m hungry, ravenous for adventure – I may not be able to physically travel very far, but with a dash of inspiration and a curious mind and willing heart, I can move mountains or perhaps a corner of the garden.

What are you longing for in your life today? What is your first step towards honouring yourself on this journey? And will you take this step today?

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