The power of I don’t know

Written by Karen Heras-Kelly. Posted in Blog Written by Karen Heras-Kelly on May 20, 2022. Posted in Blog

It’s International Coaching Week and I’ve been listening to key CTI leaders talk about the future of coaching. It’s been inspiring and evoking. Personally speaking, I’ve been a professional Co-Active coach for ten years and I’ve had the pleasure of coaching 100s of women around the world on matters close to their hearts. I feel inspired by their courage and willingness to transform.

After a week of listening and sharing insights about the coaching industry, one thing is jumping out at me. I wanted to share it with you now.

The power of “I don’t know” is the gateway to transformation:

As coaches (regardless of age or experience levels), we have to be prepared to let go of what we know in order to serve our clients. One of my favourite Master Coaches, Helen House once said, “If I’m asking a question and I know the answer to it, then it’s not coaching. That’s manipulation.” 

It’s essential that we ask open and powerful questions that will create space for deeper insights to emerge, that we can hold and serve the moments of silence required to connect to higher level intelligence. This does not come through easily when we are engaged in daily, outward activities, so we must make space to connect on a deeper level.

We need to stay in this space for long enough to allow a shift to be felt and experienced. This is where aliveness lives, this is where the magic is. From here, clients can experience their own breakthroughs. 

It’s not to say that we don’t have a technique, tool or remedy that we believe will support the client with her vision, but fixing is not coaching. We hold the space of the unknown, we take our clients hands and then we dance with them in THIS moment. 

When we enter the unknown, we create a blank page and together, a new pathway is created that connects the bridge between being and doing. 

If you are at work and you approach all new challenges in the same way, you will become outdated, and innovation will pass you by. While you already hold deep wisdom within you, a beginner’s mind is also essential to the process of transformation and innovation. 

Here’s the ultimate paradox, by stepping into the unknown we connect to a higher field of knowing.

Go deeper, reach higher: 

There are times when it’s not clear where a session is headed because the territory entered is the unknown. While we may agree a topic at the start, we must also be willing to take a detour because while we are holding the space for change, it is the client who holds the key. 

Welcome this with an open heart and trust that some stuck-ness when/if it arrives is part of the process. To get unstuck, your client may need to experience how it feels to be stuck live in a session. 

In my experience, naming the energy of stuck-ness, resistance etc usually creates an energetic change big enough to create movement. Again, this is of service to the client, trust that everything that comes is a guide.  If you can lean into it, the space will become more expansive. 

Essential ingredients:  

Working with the unknown requires courage and trust. When I step into this space, I choose to become right sized, I shrink myself so that my ego has no place to gather momentum. This requires self-management and a willingness to let go of everything I know. 

To be able to hold this space, I find myself connecting to a wider field of intelligence which for me is best described as “love.” This helps to detach from what I believe is the right action. Find your own form of meaning or higher power because this will help you to stay focused, and connected to the magic IN each moment.

Now it’s your turn:

My challenge to you today is to hold the space of the unknown and practice having a beginner’s mind:

In conversations say, “I don’t know, what do you think?” How does it feel to sit back and hold a bigger context? How does the other person respond to being given the baton of knowing by you?

In my experience, this is when people discover who they really are and what they are capable of. This is facilitated because they have been empowered and given an open space to step into. 

This blog is part of a Powerful Conversations series written by Karen Heras-Kelly, a feminine leader responsible for Empowering women to take their seats at the table since 2012. Karen is a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach, Leadership facilitator, mindfulness and creative visualisation expert. She is the founder of A Tribe Called Woman, a company dedicated to the empowerment of women in the workplace and the ‘Mindfulness Time at work’ project.

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Building bridges one conversation at a time

Written by Karen Heras-Kelly. Posted in Blog, Uncategorized Written by Karen Heras-Kelly on March 17, 2021. Posted in Blog, Uncategorized

Change begins with a series of powerful (often difficult) conversations. Opening a new dialogue and speaking words that can feel uncomfortable will open the space for transformation and move you closer to your desired goal and outcome. 

It’s rare that a solution arises at the very beginning of a discussion, so leaders need to prepare themselves for the long haul. When it comes to many of the issues that are presenting themselves right now (race, sexuality, gender), wanting change isn’t enough, we have to be willing to pull up a chair and dig deep, together.

Part of the issue is that it’s hard to truly understand how it feels to be a woman today, if you are a man, because you are looking at the world through different lenses. However, by holding the desire to wish to understand more, you have already taken an important step. 

“You’re right, I don’t fully understand how it is for you, but I would love you to share your experiences. I really want to build a different reality alongside you, what do you need from me for us to create a resonant change?”

Then wipe the slate clean and get creative. What could sustainable change really look like, feel like, sound like? What is the end goal and what’s the next step? What is needed to stay on this new path, how will you know that your agreements are working? What will you do to realign when progress is halted?

I want to share a personal antidote here. After the death of Sarah Everard and the outpouring of grief that has happened in the UK, I went to a place of despair. I remembered my own experiences and envisioned a bleak future for my daughter. 

Our world needs to change, so I pulled up a chair, dug my heels in and began some difficult conversations with those I love. Starting with my husband and then my parents. To start with, I was (understandably) met with defensiveness. It seemed nobody wanted to really have this conversation with me, I held the space and I talked, sharing story after story. 

The energy changed and the conversations fell silent, I was wise enough to let things settle. The following day, I heard these words, “we are going to create a different reality for you, we are going to educate you and Mummy will guide you.” Hope landed in my heart and I added, “we are going to support you and talk to you together because both of us are needed in the creation of this new reality.”

My intention is for my daughter to know her worth and for her to be equipped to have her own difficult conversations, starting with “no.” And I plan to involve my husband in this vision because I want our discussions to be balanced and inclusive, for her to know that this is a conversation to be had with women and men.

I truly believe that the change we all seek is one of unification, one where we are educated and supported to listen, honour and create together. It may seem like a long arc, but by sitting down together we stand a chance of furthering change.

My top tips for furthering conversations in the workplace are:

• Start at home, have difficult conversations with those you share your personal life with first and test the water, grow and share.
• Meditate or practice mindfulness, connect to nature and get used to listening to your own inner wisdom.
• Pull up a chair and listen, talk, reflect, listen, agree, create. 
• Do not be scared to disagree and request space to reconsider and come back, and pull up your again, and start over. Often the answers we seek arrive after a good night’s sleep or while brushing our teeth!
• Above else, be prepared to listen and then allow what people are saying to be heard, this will build trust.

This blog was written by Karen Heras-Kelly, A Certified Professional Co-Active Coach, Leadership facilitator, meditation and creative visualisation expert. Karen is the founder of A Tribe Called Woman.

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The new road (ways to build hope, trust and connection)

Written by Karen Heras-Kelly. Posted in Blog Written by Karen Heras-Kelly on April 20, 2022. Posted in Blog

This article talks about the importance of cultivating higher level energies in the workplace. More than ever, leaders are being called upon to show a human face, we also need to inspire hope, connection and trust in our teams because when people come together in connection and solidarity, magic happens. I invite you to take some time to reflect right now and consider the energy behind your thoughts, words and deeds. 

Where are you right now on your journey? What are the common emotions that you are feeling? A global pandemic, climate change and humanitarian disasters have us struggling with feelings of overwhelm, hopelessness, despair, and rising anxiety.

But now is not the time to give up hope because all around the world, people are showing up for those in need. Last week, I had two incredible conversations that showcased the magic of leaders committed to showing a human face during the attacks by Russia on the Ukraine. While I cannot reveal the contents of these conversations, they showed me the impact of human connection, compassion, and solidarity. I realized that it’s time to trust again and find our strength to allow connection in, and to open our hearts to the co-creativity of life. 

Be patient and let go

The road to hope can take some time (and it’s a daily choice) because it involves peeling your inner onion. Growth as a human tribe is essential to our evolution, it can also be messy. At each stage of our journey, we are called to investigate our inner closet and invited let go of what no longer fits or is of no use to us, and wider.

The issue is that letting go doesn’t come easily to any of us, instead we hold on and cling, waiting for the next best thing to come by before we jump. We can be waiting for a long time, until eventually holding on becomes too painful and we are moved along by a force bigger than ourselves.

Letting go ahead of time requires trust and belief. We build up protective layers, adopt personas and wear masks, these layers also need to be peeled if we are to live a wholehearted, truthful and creative life, if we are to be leaders with human faces.

We have all lived through so much and surely the idea is not to return to normality, but to break through to the other side and show up as leaders who trust their journey, and are willing to show vulnerability in the face of ongoing trials, and tension?

My invitation to you is this, where can you step into a wholehearted conversation in your life today? What are you not saying to yourself and others that would have you peel off your layers and build human connections?

Where there is a will, there is a way

I want you to know that when you open your heart, and mind to yourself, to those around you and to the unknown, there is wonder. You were born open, naked and ready to learn how to be human. You learned how to fall over and get back up again because it’s part of your DNA. 

Desperation repels, trust invites

Desperation is a repelling energy, it won’t take you were you truly want to go. Anything you collect along the way will be attached to insecurities and feel temporary. When you get to your destination, self-sabotaging stories and beliefs will be there to greet you, so you may as well deal with them now?

For you to trust, choose to love and honour who you are. Build a relationship of trust within and for yourself, and watch doors opening. It’s not just about the words you speak, it’s about connecting to who you are being when you speak to them – what energy are you moving from? Peace or war, love or hate, openness or fear? People feel your energy before they hear your words, they remember how you make them feel, so pay close attention to how you are feeling and do some inner spring cleaning if you need to clean-up.

Love is part of connection

I also want to mention the L word, yes that’s right LOVE, if you are not engaging in love then you are not in connection, it’s that simple.

Fundamentally, see yourself through eyes of love and extend this to others and you will discover new possibilities. 

Here’s a mini roadmap on how to start a powerful inward conversation today:

1. Create a space to really be with yourself. Turn devices on silent and place the faces down – better still put them in another room.
2. Check in with your perspective? How are you approaching this conversation and what needs to be in place for you to be present? 
3. Remember, you are always at choice: What choices will you make today and from what place? Who will you be when you’re doing?

The invitation is to stay open, opening your hearts and minds to humanity. You are asked to dig deeper during this time and to stay hopeful. There is always another way, when we stand up for one another and ourselves, we pave the NEW way.

This blog is part of a Powerful Conversations series written by Karen Heras-Kelly, which includes the following articles: 

• Building bridges one conversation at a time
• Listen to reconnect
• Now is the time for leaders to recover to self
• When I say Powerful Conversation, you assume?
• Make your dreams bigger than your limiting beliefs

You can catch up on the full series at https://www.atribecalledwoman.com/category/blog/Karen is a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach, Leadership facilitator, mindfulness and creative visualisation expert. Karen is the founder of A Tribe Called Woman, a company dedicated to the promotion of women and feminine energy, and ‘The Breathe Time at work project.’

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Powerful Conversations change your life

Written by Karen Heras-Kelly. Posted in Blog, Uncategorized Written by Karen Heras-Kelly on May 31, 2021. Posted in Blog, Uncategorized

I am delighted to mark this moment with a newsflash announcement. Starting on (2.6.21 via InstagramLive) I will be collaborating with the powerful, Astrid Teigaas to take ‘Powerful Conversations’ into a talk-show format. 

We will be discussing the importance of hosting ongoing, Powerful Conversations in your life. Why now? What’s the gift? What are the necessary ingredients? What are the taboos, and pitfalls that get in the way? 

What will it take for each of us to come out of hiding and face the topics that hold meaning and the key to our own empowerment? 

As CTI coaches, we’ve built careers hosting intimate and private powerful conversations, now it’s our turn to go under the microscope in service of personal growth (ours and yours). We promise to bring our collective wisdom, good humour and real life stories to the table. 

Why tune in? We want you to grow with us, we have personal stories to share and plenty to say. Expect opinions, truth telling and vulnerability. 

Astrid is a former lawyer living in Norway. She is one of the fiercest heart people I know, an all-around powerhouse.  She brings forth a no-nonsense approach to asking for what you want. 

I on the other side, spent 17 years building global brands working within the fields of marketing & communication. Positive story telling is part of my DNA. I know how to take a basic truth and make it magical. Hopes, dreams and miracles are my domain – soothing and guiding you into a field of your own possibilities. 

Together, we create a space of authenticity and magic. I will also lead a soothing, throat activating, self esteem boosting meditation to support you to get into the zone… 

Come? We will be on InstagramLive:

• @motherandbaby @8pm GMT on 2 June 2021.
• @tribecalledwoman on 6 June 2021 @ 4pm GMT.

This blog is part of a Powerful Conversations series written by Karen Heras-Kelly, which includes the following articles: 

• Building bridges one conversation at a time
• Listen to reconnect
• Now is the time for leaders to recover to self
• When I say Powerful Conversation, you assume?
• Make your dreams bigger than your limiting beliefs
• Start by creating powerful conversations within you 

You can catch up on the full series at https://www.atribecalledwoman.com/category/blog/ Karen is a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach, Leadership facilitator, meditation and creative visualisation expert. Karen is the founder of A Tribe Called Woman and the Breathe Time at work project.

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Start by creating powerful conversations within you

Written by Karen Heras-Kelly. Posted in Blog, Blog Home Written by Karen Heras-Kelly on May 5, 2021. Posted in Blog, Blog Home

Hello you, welcome to THE most important conversation you will have today, an empowering conversation with you. Are you ready to take an inward journey?

Before, you dive in I want to share these insights with you:

1. Saying yes to creating powerful, meaningful and empowering conversations is a daily choice. It requires practice, a beginner’s mind (because every day is a new start) and trust (bucket loads of it). 
2. It requires a curiosity to go deeper than surface chatter and perhaps you are curious about who you are and the meaning of your life? 
3. A level of understanding of how you show up when you feel empowered and how you behave when you feel triggered is helpful but it doesn’t replace a willingness to keep starting over because that is what an introspective practice looks like. What happened yesterday is technically, old news. 
4. It requires you to believe in you, to know you are worthy of taking up space and being heard because you have something to contribute. Ultimately, it’s about discovering your inner voice and speaking words that matter to you, these words can be used as a way to connect and disconnect, where need be. You do not need to be part of every conversation, so make your choices clearly and remember, the word “no” is a full sentence.

Why this matters?

If you create the space and tune into your inner voice, all other conversations can flow from this place. It’s easier when you listen deeply to yourself and build in space to check-in. And you can more readily hear the (often unspoken) needs of others.

For example, one of your colleagues volunteers for a new project but you sense that there is a need to lighten her/his load. You fear making an incorrect judgement, what she/he is saying sounds positive and yet, there is an alarm bell ringing. You spend some time reconnecting to yourself and realise that you have a longing to support her/him to see if more work is the true requirement. This is when you take your next step and hold your second powerful conversation).

The more you connect and honour your feelings, the greater the trust between you and you. If you are not in fear then what is possible for you, what quality is available? You can check-in by asking: If I wasn’t experiencing fear right now, what would I do?

When you realise your strength and power, it’s hard to feel compromised by others or situations that are out of your control. It’s also easier to feel connected too. Every time you check in with yourself and choose to unhook from limiting self-talk, it’s a big personal win. Focusing on your inner needs, mental health and wellbeing will support you to express who you are and embody your highest potential.

So I invite you to take five minutes today to tune into your heart and breathe in, and out. Check-in with your feelings at the beginning, midway and end. What are you noticing? Has your mood improved? 

Tune into next week’s blog during Mental Health Awareness Week (UK) and I will share my mini roadmap on how to start a powerful inward conversation.

This blog is part of a Powerful Conversations series written by Karen Heras-Kelly, which includes the following articles: 

• Building bridges one conversation at a time
• Listen to reconnect
• Now is the time for leaders to recover to self
• When I say Powerful Conversation, you assume?
• Make your dreams bigger than your limiting beliefs

You can catch up on the full series at https://www.atribecalledwoman.com/category/blog/ Karen is a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach, Leadership facilitator, meditation and creative visualisation expert. Karen is the founder of A Tribe Called Woman and the Breathe Time at work project.

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