In 2008, I was knocked sideways in a hit and run accident. Stop, my inner voice -screamed from within.
Twenty minutes earlier I said these words, “Please God make this stop.” I was in a difficult spot in my life, working under the remit of an aggressive boss. My confidence was in tatters, I’d given up on my creativity and ability to walk away.
I have never felt so useless in all my life, I knew that the only way out was to say “no.” And yet day after day, I did the same thing hoping for a different result. “I need to quit,” I’d say with tears running down my face. “Stick it out, you can do it,” said the general consensus. I wanted to believe them but the truth was, I was dying inside. I threw everything I had at it, but it wasn’t enough, it could never have been enough. The truth was that this job was not for me, my intuitive, deep feeling and sensitive nature was too heavily impacted. The cost was too great.
I knew this within the first hour of walking the floor. My new boss greeted me with frantic eyes, the smooth facade and calm mask worn in the interview, now firmly discarded. It didn’t take long before that look was present in my own eyes.
What I now know, what this experience taught me:
We always know the way out or at least the next step. Our instincts are forever guiding us back home and no amount of pride, money, status and so on is worthy of our peace of mind, openness of heart, creativity and vibrancy.
Nobody really knows how I feel inside or what I am capable of, so this is my responsibility to discern. This is the true meaning of empowerment.
I also discovered that all human beings, myself included need a level of respect and kindness in order to really thrive. And of course developing a respectful relationship within is an essential part of this journey, so take every opportunity you can to dive deeply into your own sacred well.
I learnt how to walk again and how to walk away, and my journey took a more meaningful turn. I have made peace with this period of my life and I can see how it supported me to rise, shine, and expand.
The injuries I sustained that day are serious and there isn’t a day that goes by when I am not reminded of the many lessons brought about during this cycle. My healing journey was (is) intense covering the physical, emotional and spiritual domains. I discovered the power of belief and how change can be brought about by planting small seeds, like for example working with a simple mantra.
My thanks go out to the many people who came to my rescue, to the surgeon who saved my leg, the nursing angel who allowed my Mum to stay by my bedside outside of visiting times – his name was Emanuel of course. And to Louise Hay for her book, “You can heal your life.” Her simple mantra, “I can handle it,” supported me through challenging times and still rings true today.
While I couldn’t handle the daily walk of fear that was the norm in that particular place, I could and still can handle the next phase of my life. And most importantly I can handle pain.
Remember you are responsible for you, for your own truth and for listening to the wisdom of your own heart. If you say yes to building a life that vibrates with the song in your heart, you will find nirvana. And if you lose your way from time to time, you will discover that beauty and love exist alongside pain.
When the tears arrive I know I am home in my heart. It’s really that simple.
My message to you is this:
During the darkest times, when your heart is broken open, there is a gift waiting for you. You can always choose to learn how to rise, how to recieve love and dig for your life’s purpose. If you stay the distance, open up to the pain, the shame and wait for the lesson, you will grow and be given opportunities to share your wisdom with others.
If you are reading this blog and struggling in any way, this question is for you:
What is your next step?