Breakdowns and breakthroughs are essential change makers

In my own personal feminine quest to live, lead and love as an empowered woman, I discovered I was scared of my own lovability* (see my definition of lovability at the end) and the softness and power of my own heart. Today human lovability is often referred to as vulnerability, we’ve covered the deeper meaning with another word, which explains why there is so much confusion in our interactions. How often do you say exactly what you mean in one day?

I didn’t believe my tender side was exactly what was required for me to feel whole, purposeful and make an impact. I feared the deep emotions that stirred inside my body and wished I could be less sensitive and open to the constant waves of change that come from tuning into this moment. In my role as coaching companion, this crops up as a common concern for us humans.

Why? Because somewhere limiting beliefs are formed in our early years that say that the feminine is weak and masculine is power. Religion, patriarchy, society all reinforcers this view, so it’s no surprise that so many fear their own femininity and don’t understand her place in their world.

My own awakening has been over many years, it’s been a slow, steady and purposeful journey. I started to notice small things like the telephone voice I adopted or how I presented my views, the hard edge makeup, hair colour and tough girl clothes. I noticed that when I spoke about work, I adopted a persona of authority, command and control. All attributes of the patriarch at work, all the while underneath I was scared of confrontation, challenge and spontaneous change. I worked tirelessly to get to the top and stay there, until eventually I realised it was a lonely, unfulfilling game – the dream I’d bought into was a “dud.”

So I took a decision to make a clean break and stop acting or spending more moments tuning into what my critical voice told me was important to succeed or survive. And pretty much overnight, I decided to change everything, to throw myself fully into the fire of destruction, creation and rebirth. What I want to share with you today is that the rebirth bit took a lot longer than anticipated and took the form of a gradual climb with lots of recovery time built in.

I’m proud to say I haven’t figured it all out yet and I’m definitely not enlightened, but my sense of who I am inside, what’s required for me to feel alive and move from that place, are pretty robust.

I have decided to stop shouting and start whispering. To spend more time tuning into my body and a higher purpose that requires me to ultimately surrender to a force and path that is greater than myself.

When I look around, I see both men and women putting their faces on, faking it until they make it and presenting their personal brand to the world (or at least the parts of them they want to inflate). It feels vacuous, soulless and counterproductive because most of us want to be seen, heard and held.

Now when I take to a stage, there is no shouting or pushing, more of a soft and balanced approach to sharing the sweet nectar of feminine wisdom and power. I want you to lean closer to me and feel this essence, rather than listen to every word I speak because let’s be truthful there are already too many words.

Life is lighter, interactions are fewer but deeper. Friendship circles draw in as energy is built and utilised for those who enliven and inspire me, and I them.

I don’t need to pretend, to hide behind any mask because who I am is enough. There are moments where I choose to step outside of myself and dance within the field of relationships and others where I sense it’s time to retreat into an inner glow of self-love and acceptance. All the while I have creativity and faith to catch me when I’m free-falling through the sky back down to earth and a world that is requiring a different approach to life.

If you are a woman (or man) reading this, how many hours have you spent crying in a toilet cubical only to check your appearance and walk back out into the workplace and continue to do exactly the same thing you have always done? E.g. Pretend that you are ok and have it all figured out. There is nothing wrong with crying in toilets (I’m a big fan of the wet works), but what is stopping you from creating change, from asking for what you need and sharing your emotions and their deeper meanings? Because when you do, the environment inside and around you will change?

Are you ready to stop pretending and faking who you really are? Are you willing to take some risks and let go of the unrealistic need to be in control of the uncontrollable? What one thing will you begin today (and what one thing will you end?)

Welcome to the Tribe…

*The meaning of lovability, as I see it is to accept and honour our human fragility and view this as power.

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