Posts Tagged ‘powerful questions’

Powerful Conversations change your life

I am delighted to mark this moment with a newsflash announcement. Starting on (2.6.21 via InstagramLive) I will be collaborating with the powerful, Astrid Teigaas to take ‘Powerful Conversations’ into a talk-show format. 

We will be discussing the importance of hosting ongoing, Powerful Conversations in your life. Why now? What’s the gift? What are the necessary ingredients? What are the taboos, and pitfalls that get in the way? 

What will it take for each of us to come out of hiding and face the topics that hold meaning and the key to our own empowerment? 

As CTI coaches, we’ve built careers hosting intimate and private powerful conversations, now it’s our turn to go under the microscope in service of personal growth (ours and yours). We promise to bring our collective wisdom, good humour and real life stories to the table. 

Why tune in? We want you to grow with us, we have personal stories to share and plenty to say. Expect opinions, truth telling and vulnerability. 

Astrid is a former lawyer living in Norway. She is one of the fiercest heart people I know, an all-around powerhouse.  She brings forth a no-nonsense approach to asking for what you want. 

I on the other side, spent 17 years building global brands working within the fields of marketing & communication. Positive story telling is part of my DNA. I know how to take a basic truth and make it magical. Hopes, dreams and miracles are my domain – soothing and guiding you into a field of your own possibilities. 

Together, we create a space of authenticity and magic. I will also lead a soothing, throat activating, self esteem boosting meditation to support you to get into the zone… 

Come? We will be on InstagramLive:

  • @motherandbaby @8pm GMT on 2 June 2021.
  • @tribecalledwoman on 6 June 2021 @ 4pm GMT.

This blog is part of a Powerful Conversations series written by Karen Heras-Kelly, which includes the following articles: 

  • Building bridges one conversation at a time
  • Listen to reconnect
  • Now is the time for leaders to recover to self
  • When I say Powerful Conversation, you assume?
  • Make your dreams bigger than your limiting beliefs
  • Start by creating powerful conversations within you 

You can catch up on the full series at https://www.atribecalledwoman.com/category/blog/ Karen is a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach, Leadership facilitator, meditation and creative visualisation expert. Karen is the founder of A Tribe Called Woman and the Breathe Time at work project.

When I say powerful conversation, you assume…?

This is my fourth article in my Powerful Conversations series and writing it has really got me thinking, in a good way. I’m reflected on some of my recent powerful conversations and realised that these often rise from a place of challenge or a desire for change. There is a definite pull towards a set outcome and change I’m committed to. 

At this point, I’ve tuned into my intuition or inner knowing and I’m following a path that will see me create a space to speak, listen, feel, agree or disagree and then (hopefully) build a new agreement. Or at the very least, agree to reflect and reconnect with the idea of a new outcome next time.  I realise that conversations feel transformational even if the end goal is a long way away because investing time to be with another human feels good when I move from an open heart and mind.

Often when we approach a powerful conversation we have already made our mind how it will be:

This is all very nice so far isn’t it. But here’s the thing, often when we approach a powerful conversation we have already made our mind how it will be, what we will experience, how we will feel and if it will be a success. Feelings like stress, dread, trepidation can overtake what is really happening in the moment and diminish the opportunity to be seen, heard and understood from all sides. What if the biggest gift you could give to someone today was to say, “I’ve never thought of it like that, that’s really interesting, thank you for sharing.”

Breaking free of the old mould:

Without taking time to reflect, often we have framed the conversation in a certain way, based upon our own life experiences and through automatic lenses or a rigid perspective. I hear these words a lot, “I really hate confrontation, which automatically creates an assumption that the conversation will be difficult and painful.” When you show up from this place, it’s likely that you will appear defensive, rigid and closed, and it will show in your face, words and body language.

This is where the commitment to sustainable change becomes essential because without this approach, a resonate outcome for all will be hard to reach. It requires some inner processing and clarity because you are required to both stand in your own shoes and adopt a resonant perspective, as well as see the world through different eyes, only then are you freed up to truly listen and create. 

Karen’s work as a Certified leadership facilitator, coach and visualisation expert empowers you to have high level, powerful and expansive conversations.

Let me give you an example…

If I invited you to engage in a powerful conversation with me how would you feel? What would your first (automatic) response be? What would you assume about me, the conversation and its impact on you? Most importantly, would you be open to the experience?

It is true to say that nearly all humans I have ever met (including myself) have some kind of issue with the idea of power, they want more of it, they fear it, they dislike it, they rebel against it and so on.

Several years ago, I taught at my local university within the faculty of business and law, and asked students across two classes to bring examples of powerful campaigns in for discussion. Their response astounded me, every student from a class of 45 translated the word powerful negatively collecting images focused around nicotine, cancer, war etc. But hope was not totally lost, as one student showcased a different perspective on powerful. Her story communicated the positive impact loving your body (regardless of its outer form) can have on self-esteem. 

BUT the real takeaway from this article is this:

What if the request for a powerful conversation could be a spark that lit you and others up from the inside? What if my intention was to tell you what I saw in you, how you made me feel and how much I valued our relationship? 

These words stand as an invitation to create some space for heart-warming (and powerful) conversations with others – because who said that all powerful conversation need to be steeped in negative conflict? What if this could be a whole hearted and glorious experience for all, now that’s a wonderful perspective to adopt?

Here’s a few tips to get you started:

  • Before you dive in take some time to clear your assumptions and choose a perspective that excites you and makes you feel alive.
  • Then reflect on their impact on you, how they make you feel and what they bring to your day/week etc? 
  • When you think of this person or the topic that you would like to discuss, what do you feel, what do you believe and what do you want them to take away? By accessing your own feelings, you can really bring the conversation to life and that’s very exciting.
  • Then step into the circle, and honour their contribution – making sure you pay close attention to your own impact as you do so?

This blog is part of a Powerful Conversations series written by Karen Heras-Kelly. Karen is a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach, Leadership facilitator, meditation and creative visualisation expert. Karen is the founder of A Tribe Called Woman and the Breathe Time at work project.

Are you ready to shine as a leader today?

Who are you when you’re at your natural best, when you allow yourself to shine? What qualities break free in you and what’s your contribution? What conditions are required that allow you to step into your true essence? What lifts your lid and what closes you down? All important questions to sit with for a while that will help you to define how well do you know yourself as an individual and leader?

Start by creating powerful conversations within you

Hello you, welcome to THE most important conversation you will have today, an empowering conversation with you. Are you ready to take an inward journey?

Before, you dive in I want to share these insights with you:

  1. Saying yes to creating powerful, meaningful and empowering conversations is a daily choice. It requires practice, a beginner’s mind (because every day is a new start) and trust (bucket loads of it). 
  2. It requires a curiosity to go deeper than surface chatter and perhaps you are curious about who you are and the meaning of your life? 
  3. A level of understanding of how you show up when you feel empowered and how you behave when you feel triggered is helpful but it doesn’t replace a willingness to keep starting over because that is what an introspective practice looks like. What happened yesterday is technically, old news. 
  4. It requires you to believe in you, to know you are worthy of taking up space and being heard because you have something to contribute. Ultimately, it’s about discovering your inner voice and speaking words that matter to you, these words can be used as a way to connect and disconnect, where need be. You do not need to be part of every conversation, so make your choices clearly and remember, the word “no” is a full sentence.

Why this matters?

If you create the space and tune into your inner voice, all other conversations can flow from this place. It’s easier when you listen deeply to yourself and build in space to check-in. And you can more readily hear the (often unspoken) needs of others.

For example, one of your colleagues volunteers for a new project but you sense that there is a need to lighten her/his load. You fear making an incorrect judgement, what she/he is saying sounds positive and yet, there is an alarm bell ringing. You spend some time reconnecting to yourself and realise that you have a longing to support her/him to see if more work is the true requirement. This is when you take your next step and hold your second powerful conversation).

The more you connect and honour your feelings, the greater the trust between you and you. If you are not in fear then what is possible for you, what quality is available? You can check-in by asking: If I wasn’t experiencing fear right now, what would I do?

Making space to breathe supports awareness of what is happening and needed, this is your way out and through.

When you realise your strength and power, it’s hard to feel compromised by others or situations that are out of your control. It’s also easier to feel connected too. Every time you check in with yourself and choose to unhook from limiting self-talk, it’s a big personal win. Focusing on your inner needs, mental health and wellbeing will support you to express who you are and embody your highest potential.

So I invite you to take five minutes today to tune into your heart and breathe in, and out. Check-in with your feelings at the beginning, midway and end. What are you noticing? Has your mood improved? 

Tune into next week’s blog during Mental Health Awareness Week (UK) and I will share my mini roadmap on how to start a powerful inward conversation.

This blog is part of a Powerful Conversations series written by Karen Heras-Kelly, which includes the following articles: 

  • Building bridges one conversation at a time
  • Listen to reconnect
  • Now is the time for leaders to recover to self
  • When I say Powerful Conversation, you assume?
  • Make your dreams bigger than your limiting beliefs

You can catch up on the full series at https://www.atribecalledwoman.com/category/blog/ Karen is a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach, Leadership facilitator, meditation and creative visualisation expert. Karen is the founder of A Tribe Called Woman and the Breathe Time at work project.

Listen to reconnect by Karen Heras-Kelly

 Wellbeing, mental health and how to start new conversations

Covid19 may have halted the way we live our lives, but it has also created wider opportunities to reset and re-emerge. We have all been given time to reset the balance within ourselves, to look at the old stories (and beliefs) we are recreating in life, to clean up, let go of judgements and step into creative leadership.

Perhaps this was the energy we entered into at the start of the pandemic, but one year down the line, our resilience and patience are being tested. So how do you truly support yourself and your people to rise through adversity in the here and now?

Let’s start with listening and everyday conversations:

  • If your people are sick in any way, it will be present in the conversations that are happening or not happening. 
  • Take time to make space for seemingly pointless, everyday conversations and listen with your heart for the cues that reveal where they really are. This does not need to be a complicated process, a simple, “how are you feeling today?” works well.
  • If you tune in, really tune in, you will often hear any words of distress hidden within seemingly everyday conversations. Often, by acknowledging what you are hearing and sensing, you can help someone to feel supported and encourage them to take a positive step.
  • If you listen with your ears what do you hear? 
  • If you listen with your eyes what do you see? 
  • If you listen with your heart, what do you feel when you engage with a colleague who is struggling on the inside?
  • And if you listen with your instincts what do you know? 

Do not automatically trust what you necessarily see (especially through a screen) or what someone is saying, it’s not easy to ask for help, to say I’m struggling when mental health is an issue. This is the time when ironically, we want to hide, pretend and shut down, it’s a time when the pseudo ego can take over. 

But here’s the truth, the time to act is before someone goes into survival mode. In many ways, a proactive strategy is required, as when survival mode is in place it’s going to take more focus to rebuild your people.

Creating an open space to listen builds bridges from here to there – Karen in action during a feminine leadership training pre Covid19.

Build in time to have an everyday, Powerful Conversation and create an environment of safety because job insecurity is creating extra pressure and anxiety. “Hey, I wanted to check in on you today, how are you feeling at the moment?” If you have any data you can add it, “I’m noticing you’ve been quiet in zoom meetings, so I wanted to connect?” Ask about family, animals, hobbies, their favourite food, music, anything other than work and allow yourself to relax into the conversation to see what is needed.

Remember it’s not your responsibility to fix, however by listening you are creating a bridge from there to here and strengthening your relationships.

This blog is part of a Powerful Conversations series written by Karen Heras-Kelly. Karen is a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach, Leadership facilitator, meditation and creative visualisation expert. Karen is the founder of A Tribe Called Woman and the Breathe Time at work project.

If it’s anything other than love, you are at war…

What does a white woman know of racism? I’m surprised to say, I know more than I realise. Last week set off a time bomb in my inner world, a vibration which was slow to start began growing, a small ember took hold and the heat started to build. Some of the stories in this blog have surprised me because they have been lying dormant for a long time, but as I wrote, memories of times where I experienced racism and sexual discrimination flooded in.

What are you hungry for…?

In my work as a coach, I never know what new topics will come to the table when I work with clients. And yet one essential ingredient is being able to listen with the intention of opening up new possibilities for them, even if this is simply the development of a new perspective.

Make your dreams bigger than your limiting beliefs

This blog is dedicated to the power of dreaming and to you, the person reading. I have a personal invitation for you, no matter where you are in your journey or what you are dealing with right now, build in time to recover to self and dream again.

My own personal experience with dreaming goes back to my childhood, where I would lose myself in books and create imaginary places that allowed me to be wild, free and inventive. Today, I consider myself to be a professional day-dreamer and this ability has stood me in good stead, as an adult. 

My professional dreaming credentials: I’m generally a magnetic person and my success rate at materialising my dreams over the years surprised even me. I started creating vision boards in 2001 and allowed myself to dream big. My dreams saw me working in LA, NYC and experiencing events like The Oscars and Fashion Weeks. I also saw a family of my own, which took much longer to materialise. What is now clear to me is this, dreams both big and small, evolve from small seeds and over time develop into shape, and form. If you dream often enough and believe in your vision, you will create wonder. How magical is this?

Here’s a fun picture of me living my old dreams with Eva Mendes in LA.

The road to dreaming is not always smooth: This is all sounding rather easy right now isn’t it? Perhaps you are already sensing that there is more to this story? And you would be right because four years ago, something happened to my ability to dream. A tsunami of personal, challenging events impacted my ability and desire to dream, my days became about survival and taking one-step in front of the other. The idea of dreaming became another pressure and my focus was needed inside of myself, it was time to retreat, feel and heal.

This was alarming to me because I even stopped remembering my night dreams, which is a first. Although being woken up every three hours by my baby girl played a part in this too. I wondered if I had lost my ability to dream?

Then, about two years ago, I had a profound dream. One that showed me my future and also saw the creation of a book written by Hillary Keeney called The Pinacle Prayer Book. A new doorway was opening inside of me, my dreams began to return, I was awakening.

Saying yes to creative imagining (your dreams): More recently I spoke to one of my peers about dreaming and she shared that she was working with a new client whose dreams were bigger than her own. She decided to dedicate a new practice to her own dreams and was on a mission to expand her sights. A lightbulb went off in my own mind, “yes this is life enhancing work, dreaming is vital to me too.”

In 2020, I began a practice of my own called, “hopes and dreams for the year.”  This time I took a different approach because my life has also taught me to stay open to what is being given in this present moment. To be grounded in real time is essential to my body, mind and soul.

Staying open and believing is vital: I’ve learned to widen the net while scooping my dreams. For example, while thinking about my business, I wrote these words; “attract profitable, heart-loving, home balanced work.” Looking back today, I can see that this actually happened in a way that allowed me to co-create on a higher level with my dreams. Rather than getting too caught up in the what and how, I choose to stay open and this radiates out like a lighthouse on a dark night.

Taking active steps towards my dreams by having powerful conversations with like-minded individuals supports me to materialise them and I feel deeply grateful to those who believe in me, and support my work (you know who you are). 2020 was a landmark year for my business and I’m convinced that dreaming, observing the impact of my dreams and responding from a place of self-belief are vital ingredients.

Here are my learnings as a professional dreamer:

Let’s face it COVID19 has created challenges we usually only see in the movies. Our sense of freedom, connection, individuality, mental and physical health have all been seriously impacted, the world has changed and we have too.

Pain, trauma, unwanted change, limiting beliefs can result in us choosing to play it safe and minimise our dreams. This is part of our inner survival system and sometimes, putting one step in front of the other is enough.

It takes time to recover from hardships and you can’t push the river. We need to heal before we can fully transform or else we are still operating from an old sense of self. Time away from your dreams is actually a very important step because your attention is required to process and let go of the past. 

Are you ready to cast your net back out to sea?

While it’s important to take time to slow down, recover and allow yourself to feel your feelings, it’s also important to remember to rise again. Without taking a conscious decision to dream again, you will be pulled down into SOS mode – are you ready to cast your net back out to sea?   

Do you want to go on a new dream scaping mission that will allow you to open to life and support your wellbeing? Your realisation of where you are is your starting point, are you allowing your dreams to rise again? Have you cut off your ability to hope for a life that excites and honours you, one that connects to your life purpose? Are you ready to step into trust and longing to elevate your choices?

Karen at work as a Certified leadership facilitator, coach and visualisation expert empowers you to have high level, powerful and expansive conversations.

Here are my top tips to get you back into the dream zone:

  • Be clear and true about your dream/s? What will make you feel alive, joyous and express your values? If growth is important to you, ask what will grow me on a higher level?
  • Be willing to work with life and what is being given in real time? You may be given an experience/relationship that is placed on your path to grow you in a direction that is part of your dream. By being rigid with your vision, you may be missing opportunities under your nose.
  • Time is linear – be patient, love yourself and your journey at all times, and make space (inside and outside of you) for the new to flow in. A soft, open and happy heart responds well to living the dream.

This blog is part of a Powerful Conversations series written by Karen Heras-Kelly, which includes the following articles: 

  • Building bridges one conversation at a time
  • Listen to reconnect
  • Now is the time for leaders to recover to self
  • When I say Powerful Conversation, you assume?

You can catch up on the full series at https://www.atribecalledwoman.com/category/blog/ Karen is a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach, Leadership facilitator, meditation and creative visualisation expert. Karen is the founder of A Tribe Called Woman and the Breathe Time at work project.

Building bridges one conversation at a time

Karen Heras-Kelly, Certified Coach & Leadership Facilitator at A Tribe Called Woman

Change begins with a series of powerful (often difficult) conversations. Opening a new dialogue and speaking words that can feel uncomfortable will open the space for transformation and move you closer to your desired goal and outcome. 

It’s rare that a solution arises at the very beginning of a discussion, so leaders need to prepare themselves for the long haul. When it comes to many of the issues that are presenting themselves right now (race, sexuality, gender), wanting change isn’t enough, we have to be willing to pull up a chair and dig deep, together.

Part of the issue is that it’s hard to truly understand how it feels to be a woman today, if you are a man, because you are looking at the world through different lenses. However, by holding the desire to wish to understand more, you have already taken an important step. 

“You’re right, I don’t fully understand how it is for you, but I would love you to share your experiences. I really want to build a different reality alongside you, what do you need from me for us to create a resonant change?”

Then wipe the slate clean and get creative. What could sustainable change really look like, feel like, sound like? What is the end goal and what’s the next step? What is needed to stay on this new path, how will you know that your agreements are working? What will you do to realign when progress is halted?

I want to share a personal antidote here. After the death of Sarah Everard and the outpouring of grief that has happened in the UK, I went to a place of despair. I remembered my own experiences and envisioned a bleak future for my daughter. 

Our world needs to change, so I pulled up a chair, dug my heels in and began some difficult conversations with those I love. Starting with my husband and then my parents. To start with, I was (understandably) met with defensiveness. It seemed nobody wanted to really have this conversation with me, I held the space and I talked, sharing story after story. 

The energy changed and the conversations fell silent, I was wise enough to let things settle. The following day, I heard these words, “we are going to create a different reality for you, we are going to educate you and Mummy will guide you.” Hope landed in my heart and I added, “we are going to support you and talk to you together because both of us are needed in the creation of this new reality.”

My intention is for my daughter to know her worth and for her to be equipped to have her own difficult conversations, starting with “no.” And I plan to involve my husband in this vision because I want our discussions to be balanced and inclusive, for her to know that this is a conversation to be had with women and men.

I truly believe that the change we all seek is one of unification, one where we are educated and supported to listen, honour and create together. It may seem like a long arc, but by sitting down together we stand a chance of furthering change.

My top tips for furthering conversations in the workplace are:

  • Start at home, have difficult conversations with those you share your personal life with first and test the water, grow and share.
  • Meditate or practice mindfulness, connect to nature and get used to listening to your own inner wisdom.
  • Pull up a chair and listen, talk, reflect, listen, agree, create. 
  • Do not be scared to disagree and request space to reconsider and come back, and pull up your again, and start over. Often the answers we seek arrive after a good night’s sleep or while brushing our teeth!
  • Above else, be prepared to listen and then allow what people are saying to be heard, this will build trust.

Holding the space for ongoing conversations builds bridges and creates change

This blog was written by Karen Heras-Kelly, A Certified Professional Co-Active Coach, Leadership facilitator, meditation and creative visualisation expert. Karen is the founder of A Tribe Called Woman.

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